Struggling

I am still not doing really well. Mind you, I've done better on keeping up with my housework ((grin)), but not so much with watching my eating / health. And it's the latter that I'm more concerned about, really.

I have to rethink how I'm doing things, maybe 'try something new'. What I'm doing isn't working, obviously... and, that's mostly a "mind" thing, more than it is a "logistics" thing. So, I've got to do some serious thinking. LOL

Ran across an interesting website / idea... still looking into it.

Continuing to Start

I keep having to start over. But, according to a book I read, recently, starting over is the key to lasting success.

March was a wash. I didn't do much of anything toward my weight-loss goals, or even my healthy living goals. In fact, I didn't do much of anything, period! I fell behind on housework, and everything. All due to being in a sort of mini-depression.

Praise the Lord, I feel I'm pulling out of it. The warmer weather, and increased amount of sunshine definitely helps! ;o)

For April, I'm planning to start again... really start back into focusing. I'm going to start my walk-jog interval program, and I want to get back to regular (daily) exercise and water-intake. I also need to be more diligent with following my hunger signals. I've let that go, too.

The Easter chocolate is almost gone (thank goodness!), and I'm only one pound up for it. A blessing, that is!

So, here's to a new month and a chance to start again!

The Bunny Visited Our House...

Yep. Good 'ol Easter Bunny visited our house. And, there's that toxic brown stuff (I'm meaning Chocolate, of course!) EVERYWHERE!

Even I made out like a bandit ~ my inlaws, my grandparents... they all like to give me chocolate. And, who am I to refuse, right?

Except that I've been eating it. I should've thrown it out. I've *thought* about throwing it out. But, I keep thinking, "So long as I eat it only when my stomach is empty, I can keep it". Well, AM I eating it only when my stomach is empty? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I've not been exercising. I've not been getting in my daily water requirement. And, I've basically not been following my plan AT ALL. But, that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it! LOL.

I keep wanting to go outside and run... with the weather warming up, and the days being sunnier, I've been craving that run. But, I have been too chicken to try it, yet. I keep making excuses... the biggest one being that I've not exercised (formally) in about 5 weeks, so I am not really in the shape I need to be in to take up running ~ right? Or, do you think I could just get out there and start, regardless? I would be doing intervals of walking & jogging... but do you think I should work my way *up* to that, walking (only) first? That was the original game plan, until I fell off my horse. LOL

Ah well. My motivation is slowly returning. Must keep fighting for this... "I think I can, I think I can, I KNOW I can..."! ;-P

Blech...

I don't have much to write, today, except that I've been "off my wagon". I haven't done anything at all towards my "plan", lately.

But, I've been reading, and I found a good book that might help. We'll see. I'll share with you, later, how it works. ;o)

Just over 2 months

Since I restarted working on things on January 7th of this year, it's been just over 2 months. But, I can't really count the last week or two, I don't think -- I've become complacent again, almost not caring whether I change or stay the same.

My attitude has taken a nose-dive. I've tried to remain positive, but it's getting harder. I haven't been exercising (although, I did do a 2 mile walk on Monday, and intend to do another today), and I've not been getting in my water, fruits or veggies. I've basically let everything slide.

It's not that I don't want to change... I REALLY, REALLY do! And, I'm not sure why I've gotten into such a funk. I know I've been suffering from depression, but I'm not sure of the cause of that... I thought it was Seasonal Affective Disorder, so I got some Vitamin D3 capsules to take. But, even taking those, I'm still suffering from the blues. Even when the sun is shining bright outside, I can be feeling so down that I wanna cry. :-(

Ah well. I'm not giving up. Yesterday I got 2 magazines in the mail (SHAPE and Runner's World), and they reminded me of why I want to work on things -- I want to be thinner, fit, healthier, stronger, and more confident, and I want to take up running to feel that sense of empowerment it brings from knowing I'm strong enough to do such a thing. :-?

So, we'll keep trying. Off to do my workout...

A new month, new goals

I amaze myself. Today, for one of my online groups, I tallied how many minutes of exercise I did in February. First, I have to tell you that I'd set my MARCH goal as 660 minutes, firguring that would be an increase. Well, then I tally up February, and find out that I did a total of 665 minutes! LOL. So, I think I'll have to re-think my March goals! LOL :-P

I also hope to change things up a bit. Up until now (since January 7th, anyway), my focus has been on exercising. I figured that, if I built up my muscle first, the weight would fall off easier, 'cause muscle burns more, right? But, I'm not losing much. I *did* lose another 1/2 inch in both my waist and my biceps this past month, so THAT'S good news! But, I am not losing weight. Sure, the scale isn't a good way to judge that. I am probably building muscle. In fact, I'm pretty sure I have built at least *some*, as I can see the definition in my thighs and calves a bit, again. :-) But, I want that darn number on the scale to go DOWN, please & thank you! :-?

SO, long-story-shorter, I'm planning on putting more focus on the eating side of things for March, while still continuing to exercise. I want to eat half of what I've *been* eating, and remember, more often, to PRAY when tempted to eat outside of true hunger. I need to pray, too, when tempted to eat more than I actually need. I've been too "greedy" for more than my body needs, so that's probably the reason I haven't lost any weight.

My goal? To lose 6 pounds in March. That's doable, I think. And, it will take me out of the range I'm in... a much-welcomed thought! ;o)

OVERALL, though, I'm still aiming to just be healthier. So, no more of this letting silly little "obstacles" get in my way... onward to health!

Gotta fight for it

This week has been a struggle. I weighed-in on Saturday, and instead of the loss I'd been expecting / hoping for, I found I'd maintained. Which *should* be a good thing, right? But, not for me this week ... not after I'd worked my butt off, and got 4 out of 5 "green dot" stickers (as opposed to the previous week's complete "yellow-dot" parade).

I've been bumming about this since Saturday. And, as such, I've been struggling to get in my water, my exercise, my fruits & my veggies. And, to make matters worse, hubby's back on Afternoon-shift, so my "routines" are all screwed up again. :-(

Mind you, I did step on the scale for a peek, yesterday morning, and saw that one pound had disappeared since Saturday, sooooo.... :-?

Hmmm. Speaking of weigh-ins, I am going to stop posting about whether or not I'm up, down, or maintaining (this will be my last post on that). It's a personal thing / reason, so please forgive me for having to let that part of my check-ins go. I'll continue to check in and update you on how I'm doing with following the tenets of my "plan", though. ;o)

As of this moment, I'm worn-out, hitting a dip in the road, but still fighting for my "vision"... I have to remember to "think positive", and keep "pressing on". I was reminded of a quote, this morning, that says something about not being able to accomplish something / not being able to reach a goal by just thinking about it. So true. So, no more "wishing for" myself to be thin...and back to WORKING AT being healthier (AND thinner)! ;o)

Fighting for my vision

I have a "vision" of the person I'd like to be when this is all done (not that this journey will ever be DONE... this is a LIFETIME thing, right?...so I just mean, when I get to my "goal", and then keep doing what I'm doing to maintain that). And, that 'vision' has kept me going on more than one occasion when I've felt like giving in. But, I'm slowly learning that, sometimes, I can't trust my feelings -- sometimes I have to "do it anyway", even when I don't feel like it, because it's GOOD for me, and it will help me reach my goals if I don't give up.

Last Saturday's WI showed that I maintained. But, you know, that's okay. I'd much rather that than a gain! ;-P

And, I set a new "mini-goal" for this week ... to have ALL "green dot days":

(To remind you what that means...
GREEN DOT sticker = stuck to my plan all day
YELLOW DOT sticker = gave it about 50%; could've done better
PINK DOT sticker = threw it all to the wind; didn't care
...Thanks to Linda Spangle of Weight Loss Joy for this tracking method! Love it!)

So far, Sunday through today (Wednesday), I've gotten one Yellow Dot, and two Green Dots ... so, we're hanging in there! I'm on track, too, for today to be another Green Dot day! ;o)

I have a calendar posted on the wall in my bedroom where I put these colored dot stickers. That way I can see my progress in a "visual" -- I can see when I've had too many "yellows", and when I need to put more effort into getting those "greens" (pun intended). ;-P

I'm gonna be that skinny (and HEALTHY!) gal I'm aiming for ... slowly, but surely, I'll get there.

To Fast, or Not to Fast???

Last Saturday's WI showed I'd gone up 2 lbs, so I'm working harder this week to make sure I have those gone again.

But, it's not looking promising. I can't seem to stop snacking in the afternoons, and that drives me batty! Yes, sometimes I'm hungry, so I *need* to snack. But, most of the time, I KNOW I'm not hungry, yet I snack anyway.

I've sat down with a paper & pen to try to figure out *why* I do this -- why I eat in the afternoons, hungry or not. And, the only thing I can "see" is that I'm "bored".

I read a great piece of advice in my most recent (March 2008) issue of Good Housekeeping Magazine, the other day. It was an article by Geneen Roth, and it talked about overeating. She recommended that you sit down and ask yourself WHY you think you overeat. Then you need to find something to "substitute" for that emotion; find something to distract yourself. Well, for me -- since boredom seems to be the reason I snack/overeat mid-afternoon -- I could always be more diligent in my job search, as having a job would certainly erase my boredom! LOL. ;o)

I have considered, lately, "fasting" every afternoon. Since overeating is basically the "sin of gluttony", then it makes sense to "fast" when I'm in danger of eating for reasons OTHER than true hunger -- give those times to God, instead.... right? I have wanted to substitute an afternoon "tea time" instead of actual food, so this "fasting" would fit. I could allow myself only decaf. teas or water in the afternoons.

But, I wonder if this would backfire on me -- make me feel deprived, cause me to think of being under "restriction"? Hmmm...

Gotta try it to know for sure! And, if the "fasting" doesn't work, I'll have to go back to the drawing board and think of something else.

Anyone have any suggestions about how to avoid mid-day snacking? I've already tried distracting myself by doing crafts (scrapbooking), playing online (sometimes works), reading (never works), calling people (no one is ever home when I call!), etc. I can't go outside for a walk, yet, as it's still too cold. :-? I'm running out of ideas. :-?

Speculation...

I have recently had a revelation that may explain my recent troubles with sticking to my plan...

I've known, for the past several years, that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. But, just this week, it popped into my head (thanks to a comment from a family member), that maybe taking Vitamin D supplements would help with the symptoms:

• irritability


• mild depression


• fatigue


• inability to sleep through the night


• social withdrawl


• cravings for sweets & carbs (and resulting weight gain)


• lack of energy


• loss of interest in normal activities

All of these are triggered by long periods without sunshine.

For me, I start to dip into this "moodiness" by about late November, early December, and it lasts until Spring. The intensity varies. But, come Spring, and the increase in sunny days, my mood shoots right through the roof!

So, the other day, I bought some Vitamin D supplements, and I'm going to see if it does anything for me. I can't afford the "light therapy" (via "Light Boxes"), so the supplements are my next-best-thing.

I am trying this because, for the past little while, I've suffered from mild depression, cravings for the sweets & carbs, major fatigue, etc... basically, all of the "symptoms" listed above. :-? And, it's interfering with my "get healthy" plans. I hardly exercised this past week, and I didn't eat proper or drink my water. Therefore, I put back on 2 of the pounds I'd lost. Not fun. I've even been to the point where I've been near-tears throughout my workouts! :-(

Anyway. I'll keep you posted on how this works out for me. I'm really praying it works, 'cause I'm tired of being "blue" just because of the weather! :-? I want my energy back. This S.A.D. has really been interfering with my life, lately (and not just in relation to my weight-loss ~ it also has affected my housework, and such), so I really need it "taken care of".

Slippery days

The past week-and-a-half has been rough going. I've not gotten in the amounts of water, fruits, and veggies that I'm "supposed" to, per my plan, and my exercise has been lagging, too. Part of this is due to the weather, part due to my routines being messed up (long story), and part is just due to plain old laziness.

When you boil it down, it's no one's fault but my own. The previous paragraph (above) is full of blame -- the weather, circumstances. But, it's still MY CHOICE whether I let those things interfere with my weight-loss/health goals! I'm the one who's chosen to reach for things *other* than water, fruits & veggies. I'm the one who hasn't exercised on certain days 'cause I was "too tired". I'm the one who has let my moodiness dictate how I act. :-?

Things must change.

But, see, this is ALREADY change! If I can SEE that the blame can only fall on myself, and if I can SEE that I need to push past the excuses and Just Do It, then I've already come a LONG way from where I used to be! I used to blame everything and everyone but myself, and honestly believed that it was true -- it was all "their" fault! LOL

Now I know, though, that it's no one's fault but my own.

Today is Ash Wednesday, which means that, for Catholics (of which I am NOT one), the Lenten season begins. People are giving up things that mean a great deal to them for the next 40 days in order to give more importance to God. I have tried to take part in this season of sacrifice for the past several years, even though I'm not Catholic, because I just think it's a good idea. It's a worthwhile thing to do. Last year, I gave up pop for the 40 days, and did okay with that. There were a couple of instances where I'd "forgotten" until afterward. But, I had *honestly* forgotten, so it wasn't like I'd done it on purpose.

This year, I'm struggling to think of what I'd sacrifice. Pop? Chocolate? Caffeine, in general? There are lots of options! But, choosing one is difficult. And, my time is up: I have to decide TODAY, if I'm going to participate! BUT, I read, last year, that you're not supposed to tell anyone what you're sacrificing, 'cause it defeats the purpose. So, you'll just have to be left in the dark on that one. LOL

Oh... I suppose I should metion about my weigh-in last Saturday. I maintained. Better than a gain, yes, but not where I was hoping to be. Doesn't surprise me, though, given the way I've been going, lately.

Nevertheless, I'm still pushing on. I may be "blue" and flailing, but I'm treading along, and will get to my destination, eventually. Progress -- not perfection! ;o)

Coming Along

Last Saturday's WI showed another 2 lbs gone, for a total of 5 lbs lost! Something's working!

I've not done *as well* this week -- three times I gave in to the offer of a can of Coke, and twice I gave in to the craving for Reese PB Cups. And, I've not had my fruit & veggies, or all of my water. I *have* stuck with getting in my workouts, so far, though. I will keep that up, too. It really helps, and I'm progressing.

I've gotten to the point where 1-mile feels not at ALL like a workout -- it's too easy! LOL. And, the 3-mile is now doable a few times a week. So, we're getting there...things are coming along. ;o)

I am really glad that I put together my *own* plan. I don't think I could last on a "diet" made by someone else. I need to do my own thing. And, when people have offered advice (friends & family), I have just nodded, said nothing, and continued to believe in my plan. I think that's part of what's making the difference -- I'm not willing to let other people's opinions get in my way. I'm not "chasing rabbits", so-to-speak. ;o)

So, here's to 5 lbs gone, and all of their friends yet to follow! Whoo!

Crazy thinking

Today I was thinking about my goals -- why I am trying to lose weight and get fit, and what I want to do once I've reached those goals.

Well, recently I visited the local gym, and was talking with one of their personal trainers. And, I got this wacky idea in my head that maybe I'd like to BECOME a personal trainer (say WHAT?!). So, I asked the gal about this, and she recommended a website where you can get information on becoming certified. When I got home, I looked it up.

And, it turns out that it only takes about 25 hours of coursework, and then an exam. And, it doesn't cost more than about $400! So, I'm seriously considering it! LOL

BUT, I would need to be walking the walk before I even took the steps toward getting certified. So, I've put it on my list of "things I may do when I've lost the weight, and gotten healthy & fit". It's an interesting goal to reach for, certainly! I'd love to be able to help other people overcome their struggles with weight & eating! And, maybe --instead of being a Personal Trainer-- I would take the "Nutrition Wellness Specialist" course. That way I could focus more on nutrition instead of the fitness aspects. ;o)

Either way, I like this new idea ... I like the thought of helping others once I've reached a certain level, myself. :-)

Checking In... Progress!

Finally -- FINALLY! -- I'm seeing some progress! I was getting so tired of having to come on here, and write about how I hadn't done anything towards my healthy-living goals, and how I was failing myself in that respect.

But, with the new year, comes renewed motivation, and a sense of determination. I'm sick of being lazy & unmotivated, and I'm tired of standing in my own way!

Hence why I've taken up a few of the following new "habits":

• journaling my food intake


• checking off things in my "log" when I complete part of my "plan" each day


• logging my food intake & exercise at Nutrihand.com


• posting to my online support group for accountability

And, all of it has greatly helped! I'm also working at keeping a positive attitude. There've been a couple of instances where I was tempted to hold a pity-party for myself --as I did in the "old days"-- when I didn't do things *exactly* as I had wanted to. But, i stopped myself, and I said, "Nope! We're gonna think positive! Negative thinking only puts me back where I don't wanna be!" And, I moved forward.

It has truly helped to really forgive myself for not doing things 100% perfect, and to just let it go, and move on to the next meal, or next moment, or next day, even. I have to keep reminding myself that it will take TIME to build these new habits into my life, and that it will take practice & patience & perseverance. So, I am sticking with it. ;)

I've exercised almost every day, and I'm doing much better at getting in my daily water (aiming for 40oz./day), and my daily fruits & veggies (at least 2 each).

I'm still working on the mid-afternoon snacking, though. It still is tripping me up a bit. I find that I *do* get hungry mid-afternoon (not just bored, as I'd originally thought), and yet I choose the "unhealthy" snacks, most of the time -- chocolate, cookies, ice cream. This week, I'm working /focusing on those snack-times...trying to choose fruit, or yogurt, or just a cup of green tea, instead. :)

Overall, I'm feeling good about this year. I really feel like this is going to be "my year"! I'm gonna kick this thing for once & for all! ;o)

First Week Finished

I'm glad today is Saturday. My first full-week of exercise is completed, and I'm glad for the rest! ;o)

I feel good about how I did. I got in 4 days of exercise, and that's new for me! I wish it would've been 5, but I really needed to rest on Wednesday. My body was fatigued, and my legs were sore. They're just not used to this amount of activity, yet!

I am also happy with the amount of water I got in! I didn't get in the full 40oz. I was aiming for every day, but I came close most days. That's good enough -- it's PROGRESS!

My eating is still the issue. I feel like I ate within the hunger-fullness boundaries at each mealtime, but I'm probably fooling myself about dinners, as the scale didn't show any GOOD improvements today. :-? Mind you, that could have nothing to do with my mealtimes, and EVERYTHING to do with my outside-hunger snacking (on sweets, mostly!). That's where I always struggle.

I've been trying to get myself to reach for fruit -- a natural "sweet" -- in the afternoons, but I still want the chocolate. I feel somewhat "deprived" when I tell myself I can't have chocolate for my mid-afternoon snack. Trouble is, I'm never sure if I'm *truly* hungry at 3p.m., or if it's just habit. Hence why I'd like to stay away from eating sweets at that time, and choose fruit or veggies, instead.

When I lost the 25 lbs in 2005, I didn't snack in the afternoons at ALL! I had water to drink, then, and that was it. But, since then, I've come to wonder if maybe I *am* hungry -- at a "0" -- then. After all, I get the same urge for food EVERY day within the same time-frame (2-4 p.m.). I just have no clue. I've heard it said that you can "test" this by allowing yourself to have an Apple. If you don't want the apple, you're probably just eating from Emotions, not true hunger. Hmmm...

Anyway. I consider this past week a SUCCESS! I had more so-so days than on-track days, but that's still better than the "totally-OFF-track" days I had consistently before. And, if I keep pressing on, I'll get there, and see progress, eventually. ;o)

Tracking and Such

Two things, today...

1) I have a new blog, where I'm posting my weekly progress. It's Invited Readers Only, so if you want an invite, please Email me, and ask. Note: It's not like this blog, where I give a detailed account of emotions & happenings. It's just a form (sort of) where I fill in how I've done with each of the aspects of my "plan" for losing weight & getting healthy... kind of like a "log"... for accountability.

2) I found a GREAT website, this past week, where you can track your food-intake, and exercise ... and, most of it is FREE! Check out Nutrihand.com. It's like FitDay.com, only better, IMHO.

Day 2 of Restart

Well, I woke up today feeling majorly sluggish, and not wanting to do a thing. I thought (for only a minute), of giving up for just today... resting, and recouping. But, then I got my head back on straight, and said "Nuh-uh"...

I was again feeling lazy while checking emails, after taking the kids to the bus, and wanted to ignore exercise today. I figured I needed a day off... after all, it's been a while. Maybe I needed a day in between to rest. But, a wonderful accountability partner/friend sent me a link to a really motivating article, and voila! Renewed motivation to get going! I got off my butt, put on my workout clothes, and did a 2-mile walk! Yay for me! LOL (and, thank the Lord for good friends!)

I got in half of my water right after my walk. And, I ate between the hunger-fullness boundaries at both breakfast and lunch.

After lunch, though -- while reading my new book, "Chocolatherapy" -- things went downhill. I managed to avoid snacking at the mention of chocolate, and ice cream, and chips ... but, when she mentioned s'mores, I was long gone (a whoosh of material, as I ran to the kitchen). I had restrained myself, and had only one helping of "s'mores" (wasn't even REAL s'mores, as I didn't have the crackers, and had to substitute graham crumbs...how pathetic!)... but, later, when the kids got home, I made myself more of the fake-s'more concoction, and downed it quickly! :-(

Now I'm wondering if I'll be hungry for dinner. And, I'd had such great "plans" for tonight... eat very little at dinner in order to leave room for "dessert" when out at Bible study. Ugh.

So, now we'll have to reorganize our evening. Still will eat dinner, but may have to forgo the snacks at study. :-?

Tomorrow will be better.

---
PS... Yesterday ended up being a very good restart... Got in all my water (40oz.), did my 2-mile walk, ate 2 fruits, ate 2 veggies, stayed between hunger-fullness at meals, and had minimal caffeine. The "trouble" came when I snacked at night -- eating while watching TV, even though I wasn't hungry. Still a really good first day, though!

Re-Started today

Well, so far, so good! I'd decided that today would be the day I recommit myself to putting 100% effort into losing weight & getting healthy. And, I've been working hard at it!

* I did a 2-mile walk
* I drank 1/2 of my water (20 oz.)
* I've eaten only when hungry (stomach empty!)
and
* I've stopped eating when I felt "satisfied", not stuffed

So, it's turning out to be a decent day. ;)

Let's just hope I can keep it up! I have written out a list of "benefits to putting 100% effort into losing weight & getting healthy", and I plan to review this whenever I feel like slacking off. I also found a great motivational website for when I'm feeling like nothing's working. Reading 'success stories' tends to get me going again -- it's just the 'boost' I need.

Here's to Looking Great in 2008! ;-)

LGC: Lost Track

I have no clue what week I'm supposed to be writing about, but I do know that I've not posted in a while (too busy with the holidays), so I need to do some 'catching up'.

I gave up on trying to lose weight over the holidays; felt it was pointless, and resolved, instead, to just try to maintain.

Well, even though I gained a bit at the beginning (too many of my homemade chocolate-chip cookies, and too many boxed chocolates), I weighed myself again on New Year's Day, and found myself back to a regular weight (where I'd started before the Holidays). So, I'm pleased with that. Thank the Lord. ;)

For 2008, I've decided to make some real efforts! I'm "upping" my exercise from 3 days a week to 5 days a week, instead. And, I'm aiming to walk 3-4 miles instead of my usual 1-2. I'd also like to take up jogging!

For eating, I'm still working on "mindful, intuitive eating". I need to stop eating at random, and go back to eating ONLY when my stomach is totally empty. Water between meals worked well in the past, so that's my goal now, too.

I've planned not to start until Monday, though (January 7th). Reason being, the kids are still home, and my normal "routine" is still "off" until they go back to school. AND, I'm still "recouping" from the craziness of the holiday season. ;)

I'm not sure if I want to continue with the "Look Great in '08 Challenge". I suppose I can keep going until the deadline (now extended until February?), but after that -- if it starts over, or there's a new challenge -- I think I'm going to let it go. Much as I've GREATLY appreciated the supportive comments & encouragement from fellow challenge-members, I just find it too much to keep my blog updated on a weekly basis. I'd prefer to blog when the mood strikes. :-?