Fighting for my vision

I have a "vision" of the person I'd like to be when this is all done (not that this journey will ever be DONE... this is a LIFETIME thing, right?...so I just mean, when I get to my "goal", and then keep doing what I'm doing to maintain that). And, that 'vision' has kept me going on more than one occasion when I've felt like giving in. But, I'm slowly learning that, sometimes, I can't trust my feelings -- sometimes I have to "do it anyway", even when I don't feel like it, because it's GOOD for me, and it will help me reach my goals if I don't give up.

Last Saturday's WI showed that I maintained. But, you know, that's okay. I'd much rather that than a gain! ;-P

And, I set a new "mini-goal" for this week ... to have ALL "green dot days":

(To remind you what that means...
GREEN DOT sticker = stuck to my plan all day
YELLOW DOT sticker = gave it about 50%; could've done better
PINK DOT sticker = threw it all to the wind; didn't care
...Thanks to Linda Spangle of Weight Loss Joy for this tracking method! Love it!)

So far, Sunday through today (Wednesday), I've gotten one Yellow Dot, and two Green Dots ... so, we're hanging in there! I'm on track, too, for today to be another Green Dot day! ;o)

I have a calendar posted on the wall in my bedroom where I put these colored dot stickers. That way I can see my progress in a "visual" -- I can see when I've had too many "yellows", and when I need to put more effort into getting those "greens" (pun intended). ;-P

I'm gonna be that skinny (and HEALTHY!) gal I'm aiming for ... slowly, but surely, I'll get there.

To Fast, or Not to Fast???

Last Saturday's WI showed I'd gone up 2 lbs, so I'm working harder this week to make sure I have those gone again.

But, it's not looking promising. I can't seem to stop snacking in the afternoons, and that drives me batty! Yes, sometimes I'm hungry, so I *need* to snack. But, most of the time, I KNOW I'm not hungry, yet I snack anyway.

I've sat down with a paper & pen to try to figure out *why* I do this -- why I eat in the afternoons, hungry or not. And, the only thing I can "see" is that I'm "bored".

I read a great piece of advice in my most recent (March 2008) issue of Good Housekeeping Magazine, the other day. It was an article by Geneen Roth, and it talked about overeating. She recommended that you sit down and ask yourself WHY you think you overeat. Then you need to find something to "substitute" for that emotion; find something to distract yourself. Well, for me -- since boredom seems to be the reason I snack/overeat mid-afternoon -- I could always be more diligent in my job search, as having a job would certainly erase my boredom! LOL. ;o)

I have considered, lately, "fasting" every afternoon. Since overeating is basically the "sin of gluttony", then it makes sense to "fast" when I'm in danger of eating for reasons OTHER than true hunger -- give those times to God, instead.... right? I have wanted to substitute an afternoon "tea time" instead of actual food, so this "fasting" would fit. I could allow myself only decaf. teas or water in the afternoons.

But, I wonder if this would backfire on me -- make me feel deprived, cause me to think of being under "restriction"? Hmmm...

Gotta try it to know for sure! And, if the "fasting" doesn't work, I'll have to go back to the drawing board and think of something else.

Anyone have any suggestions about how to avoid mid-day snacking? I've already tried distracting myself by doing crafts (scrapbooking), playing online (sometimes works), reading (never works), calling people (no one is ever home when I call!), etc. I can't go outside for a walk, yet, as it's still too cold. :-? I'm running out of ideas. :-?

Speculation...

I have recently had a revelation that may explain my recent troubles with sticking to my plan...

I've known, for the past several years, that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. But, just this week, it popped into my head (thanks to a comment from a family member), that maybe taking Vitamin D supplements would help with the symptoms:

• irritability


• mild depression


• fatigue


• inability to sleep through the night


• social withdrawl


• cravings for sweets & carbs (and resulting weight gain)


• lack of energy


• loss of interest in normal activities

All of these are triggered by long periods without sunshine.

For me, I start to dip into this "moodiness" by about late November, early December, and it lasts until Spring. The intensity varies. But, come Spring, and the increase in sunny days, my mood shoots right through the roof!

So, the other day, I bought some Vitamin D supplements, and I'm going to see if it does anything for me. I can't afford the "light therapy" (via "Light Boxes"), so the supplements are my next-best-thing.

I am trying this because, for the past little while, I've suffered from mild depression, cravings for the sweets & carbs, major fatigue, etc... basically, all of the "symptoms" listed above. :-? And, it's interfering with my "get healthy" plans. I hardly exercised this past week, and I didn't eat proper or drink my water. Therefore, I put back on 2 of the pounds I'd lost. Not fun. I've even been to the point where I've been near-tears throughout my workouts! :-(

Anyway. I'll keep you posted on how this works out for me. I'm really praying it works, 'cause I'm tired of being "blue" just because of the weather! :-? I want my energy back. This S.A.D. has really been interfering with my life, lately (and not just in relation to my weight-loss ~ it also has affected my housework, and such), so I really need it "taken care of".

Slippery days

The past week-and-a-half has been rough going. I've not gotten in the amounts of water, fruits, and veggies that I'm "supposed" to, per my plan, and my exercise has been lagging, too. Part of this is due to the weather, part due to my routines being messed up (long story), and part is just due to plain old laziness.

When you boil it down, it's no one's fault but my own. The previous paragraph (above) is full of blame -- the weather, circumstances. But, it's still MY CHOICE whether I let those things interfere with my weight-loss/health goals! I'm the one who's chosen to reach for things *other* than water, fruits & veggies. I'm the one who hasn't exercised on certain days 'cause I was "too tired". I'm the one who has let my moodiness dictate how I act. :-?

Things must change.

But, see, this is ALREADY change! If I can SEE that the blame can only fall on myself, and if I can SEE that I need to push past the excuses and Just Do It, then I've already come a LONG way from where I used to be! I used to blame everything and everyone but myself, and honestly believed that it was true -- it was all "their" fault! LOL

Now I know, though, that it's no one's fault but my own.

Today is Ash Wednesday, which means that, for Catholics (of which I am NOT one), the Lenten season begins. People are giving up things that mean a great deal to them for the next 40 days in order to give more importance to God. I have tried to take part in this season of sacrifice for the past several years, even though I'm not Catholic, because I just think it's a good idea. It's a worthwhile thing to do. Last year, I gave up pop for the 40 days, and did okay with that. There were a couple of instances where I'd "forgotten" until afterward. But, I had *honestly* forgotten, so it wasn't like I'd done it on purpose.

This year, I'm struggling to think of what I'd sacrifice. Pop? Chocolate? Caffeine, in general? There are lots of options! But, choosing one is difficult. And, my time is up: I have to decide TODAY, if I'm going to participate! BUT, I read, last year, that you're not supposed to tell anyone what you're sacrificing, 'cause it defeats the purpose. So, you'll just have to be left in the dark on that one. LOL

Oh... I suppose I should metion about my weigh-in last Saturday. I maintained. Better than a gain, yes, but not where I was hoping to be. Doesn't surprise me, though, given the way I've been going, lately.

Nevertheless, I'm still pushing on. I may be "blue" and flailing, but I'm treading along, and will get to my destination, eventually. Progress -- not perfection! ;o)

Coming Along

Last Saturday's WI showed another 2 lbs gone, for a total of 5 lbs lost! Something's working!

I've not done *as well* this week -- three times I gave in to the offer of a can of Coke, and twice I gave in to the craving for Reese PB Cups. And, I've not had my fruit & veggies, or all of my water. I *have* stuck with getting in my workouts, so far, though. I will keep that up, too. It really helps, and I'm progressing.

I've gotten to the point where 1-mile feels not at ALL like a workout -- it's too easy! LOL. And, the 3-mile is now doable a few times a week. So, we're getting there...things are coming along. ;o)

I am really glad that I put together my *own* plan. I don't think I could last on a "diet" made by someone else. I need to do my own thing. And, when people have offered advice (friends & family), I have just nodded, said nothing, and continued to believe in my plan. I think that's part of what's making the difference -- I'm not willing to let other people's opinions get in my way. I'm not "chasing rabbits", so-to-speak. ;o)

So, here's to 5 lbs gone, and all of their friends yet to follow! Whoo!

Crazy thinking

Today I was thinking about my goals -- why I am trying to lose weight and get fit, and what I want to do once I've reached those goals.

Well, recently I visited the local gym, and was talking with one of their personal trainers. And, I got this wacky idea in my head that maybe I'd like to BECOME a personal trainer (say WHAT?!). So, I asked the gal about this, and she recommended a website where you can get information on becoming certified. When I got home, I looked it up.

And, it turns out that it only takes about 25 hours of coursework, and then an exam. And, it doesn't cost more than about $400! So, I'm seriously considering it! LOL

BUT, I would need to be walking the walk before I even took the steps toward getting certified. So, I've put it on my list of "things I may do when I've lost the weight, and gotten healthy & fit". It's an interesting goal to reach for, certainly! I'd love to be able to help other people overcome their struggles with weight & eating! And, maybe --instead of being a Personal Trainer-- I would take the "Nutrition Wellness Specialist" course. That way I could focus more on nutrition instead of the fitness aspects. ;o)

Either way, I like this new idea ... I like the thought of helping others once I've reached a certain level, myself. :-)

Checking In... Progress!

Finally -- FINALLY! -- I'm seeing some progress! I was getting so tired of having to come on here, and write about how I hadn't done anything towards my healthy-living goals, and how I was failing myself in that respect.

But, with the new year, comes renewed motivation, and a sense of determination. I'm sick of being lazy & unmotivated, and I'm tired of standing in my own way!

Hence why I've taken up a few of the following new "habits":

• journaling my food intake


• checking off things in my "log" when I complete part of my "plan" each day


• logging my food intake & exercise at Nutrihand.com


• posting to my online support group for accountability

And, all of it has greatly helped! I'm also working at keeping a positive attitude. There've been a couple of instances where I was tempted to hold a pity-party for myself --as I did in the "old days"-- when I didn't do things *exactly* as I had wanted to. But, i stopped myself, and I said, "Nope! We're gonna think positive! Negative thinking only puts me back where I don't wanna be!" And, I moved forward.

It has truly helped to really forgive myself for not doing things 100% perfect, and to just let it go, and move on to the next meal, or next moment, or next day, even. I have to keep reminding myself that it will take TIME to build these new habits into my life, and that it will take practice & patience & perseverance. So, I am sticking with it. ;)

I've exercised almost every day, and I'm doing much better at getting in my daily water (aiming for 40oz./day), and my daily fruits & veggies (at least 2 each).

I'm still working on the mid-afternoon snacking, though. It still is tripping me up a bit. I find that I *do* get hungry mid-afternoon (not just bored, as I'd originally thought), and yet I choose the "unhealthy" snacks, most of the time -- chocolate, cookies, ice cream. This week, I'm working /focusing on those snack-times...trying to choose fruit, or yogurt, or just a cup of green tea, instead. :)

Overall, I'm feeling good about this year. I really feel like this is going to be "my year"! I'm gonna kick this thing for once & for all! ;o)